Inspiration and Ex-Girlfriends

I feel your pain...

<—— Who hasn’t felt like this? If you haven’t, consider yourself lucky. Yesterday morning I received a text message from a good friend who meant well, but ended up ruining pretty much my whole day and today’s not looking too good either. The text read, “I was “facebook stalking” last night, and saw the new guy your ex is dating… You’reWAYYYYYYYYY hotter…”

…thanks… sigh…

Personally, I hadn’t really thought about my ex in a while, and it was just like ripping a band-aid off of a scab that hadn’t healed completely yet. It made me think, “REALLY? SHE LIKES A GUY THAT’S NOT AS ATTRACTIVE AS ME??? SO YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT SHE WOULD RATHER DATE AN UGLY GUY THAN GO OUT WITH ME??? SWEEEET… THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A TOTAL WINNER!!!” ugh….

It made me start thinking about my inspiration and my writing style. Have you noticed that a lot of my songs deal with heartbreak? (Pocket Change, She’s So Bad For Me, Just Let Me Love You, Can’t Be Your Man, Something’s Telling Me…etc…) The truth is, that music is my escape from feelings, sometimes.

I was the ugly duckling growing up. In my Jr. High and Highschool years, I couldn’t date any girls to save my life. I was PALE white, maybe 100 pounds on a good day (Mostly my clothes…), and had these eyebrows that went on for miles…. My friends made fun of me, and would go on dates with the girls that they knew I liked, but I was too shy, scared, or loyal, to say anything…

I can still tell you the progression of girls who broke my heart by either not liking me, or dating me for a bit, and it not working out. (Wanna test me??? Herrari (Kindergarten-1st Grade), Jessica McDonough (2nd Grade), Marissa (3rd-5th Grade), Amerah (6th- 7th), Lyn (7th and I wrote “Something’s Telling Me” based on her…) Joy (8th-11th), and Jenny D.(11th). None of those girls were my girlfriends, and I didn’t even tell most of them that I liked them… I was much too shy for that…)

My first girlfriend was Jennifer N. We dated for 18 months my Junior and Senior years and I was pretty head over heals for her. She was my first kiss… (I was 18… I know I was a late bloomer, okay???) And if I hadn’t decided that the distance would be too difficult I probably would have never moved away from San Jose. When we broke up, it was terrible. I hated hurting her, and it was almost worse than the feeling I had with feeling rejected all of the years before…

The summer before college, I met a girl named Mae, and went to work at a camp to get to know her better. While up there, I met a girl named Cassie, and my life was changed. Cassie was the first girl I can honestly say that I fell in love with. I will have to do another post about how much I felt for her and how magical that summer was. “Pocket Change” and “Rain” were both written about her, and she got married to the guy that she dated right after me. (We broke up because I couldn’t handle being in an ULTRA CONSERVATIVE college and thinking I was some sort of “Super Christian” after a good brainwashing I received my freshman year.)

I went out with a few other girls after that. Some of them were worth talking about, the others were stupid. (One even decided to date my RA in college a few days after she told me I could take her out, and absolutely devastated me the first month in San Diego.) Then I met Melissa. She and I dated for three years. “Austin” was written about her and losing her was probably the biggest mistake I’d ever had… But it happened a month after Nathan went away to jail, and I was at the lowest point in my life with losing the apartment we were living in, and missing my brother/quitting music had alot to do with it. I had a few chances to get her back, and messed it up every time. Now, she’s getting married, or is married and I’m happy for her, but if I had a time machine, I’d be back there fixing it. She was and is honestly the best person I’ve ever met.

A few years went by and I didn’t really date anyone serious. Then I met Sarah. I fell so hard for her, it was ridiculous. It was July of 2008, and I knew my life would be terrible if I didn’t go out with her. We struck up casual conversations, and we finally dated for a few weeks. She didn’t like that I was singing songs and looking at her… she thought it was awkward…. and then it dissolved. “Sarah’s Song” was about her… but she didn’t like it much. That one stung. She became pregnant with the guy she dated after me, and they got married.

The latest girl was the first girl that I even considered dating since Sarah in 2008. She was as beautiful as a Christmas present, but probably too young to know what she wanted. We were also pretty opposite. I’m a pretty hard working-bitter guy who watches his back regularly, and keeps people at arms distance at all times. She’s kind of a spiritual hippie who doesn’t eat meat… (WEIRD…) But it didn’t matter to me, because she made me feel confident, and every time we were around each other, I was invincible. I wrote most of the material for my new record off of my relationship with her. I started noticing that she didn’t really care that I was writing songs about her, but rather that she wanted me to write songs she could sing. So I started trying to write songs that she could sing for her career… I even moved to LA… then… she just disappeared. She came back for a minute as a friend, but hasn’t talked to me since. I’ve been working on forgetting about her, and have gone out on other dates, but I can’t just force the feelings out. So I just keep writing, and hoping that eventually I’ll misremember. (Or get good material out of it…)

But when I got the text from my friend, it hurt… badly. I don’t want to know how she’s doing. In fact, if I had that time machine from earlier, I’d go back and skip the show we met at. She hurt me so badly and blatantly that it’s ridiculous that hearing about her still makes me wince. You’d think I’d be able to just turn around and walk away with a clear conscience that I gave her all I had, and she abused it, but nope… I just keep wishing she’d be different… So rather than get over it, I just hide it away, and let it come out when I write, or when I am upset about other things.

Long and short of it, maybe I’m addicted to love. Maybe I need to just keep away from girls in general. 😛 I don’t have much to offer them, at this point in my life, anyways. I’m broke, struggling at weight loss, and I have a lot of goals to reach for with my music and that doesn’t really leave much room for dating.

Anyways, That’s just what I was thinking of today. I think I’m gonna go “escape” and write something right now. I’ll leave you with the first two lines from a song I wrote the other day that have already been critiqued by people, but “ef” em. I can rhyme the same word to itself. I’m Josh Damigo, and I like it. ;-P I love you guys and hope to see you soon.

-j

i’ve told all my friends that i’m over you… but like a puppy dog, i’d still follow you…

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About Joshua Lodge

Josh will cheerfully admit that he averaged less than a dozen people a show when he first began playing San Diego coffee houses and clubs. But he garnered diehard fans in the process, sold a few thousand copies of his EP, Pocket Change, and picked up few awards along the way. After a traumatic family incident Josh retreated inward, and he ended up writing what would ultimately become his breakout debut, Raw. The album was true to its name and people noticed - Josh picked up two San Diego Music Awards for "Best Acoustic" and "Best Local Recording," opened for the likes of Zac Brown, Jason Mraz, and Matt Nathanson, and had enough money and momentum to tour the country a few times over. A few years after Raw, there was his third EP, Hope. Whereas Raw was a mostly acoustic, vulnerable affair, Hope was a celebration. Pleading and poignant, heartfelt and heavy hearted, it segued effortlessly from orchestral to alt-country, eventually landing him in the top 25 on the country charts. One of the hardest working indie singer/songwriters in Southern California, Josh spent much of the year with producer Mike Butler, gathering up some of the finest musicians in town, shaping his songs and sound further still for his album I Will Be There out now on Randm Records. From the joyous encouragement of “Just Give Me a Call”, to the simple sincerity of the ballad “Tennessee”, Josh’s songwriting skills are clear, his voice rings true and his goals remain the same as when he started - to keep making the best music he can, and to share it with all. A few years after Raw, there was his third release, Hope. Whereas Raw was a mostly acoustic, vulnerable affair, Hope was a celebration. Pleading and poignant, heartfelt and heavy hearted, it segued effortlessly from orchestral to alt-country, eventually landing him in the top 25 on the country charts. One of the hardest working indie singer/songwriters in Southern California, Damigo spent much of year with producer Mike Butler, gathering up some of the finest musicians in town, shaping his songs and sound further still for his latest album, "Just Give Me a Call", available now, on Randm Records. From the up-tempo single, “Just Give Me a Call”, to the simple sincerity of the ballad “Tennessee”, Josh’s songwriting skills are clear, his voice rings true and his goals remain the same as when he started - to keep making the best music he can, and to share it with all.
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4 Responses to Inspiration and Ex-Girlfriends

  1. Delaney says:

    Chin up, just think about all the girls you have rejected. At least you got some songs out of them. You can’t fault people on matters of the heart.

  2. Nancy Keller says:

    Josh, Josh, Josh. I just don’t get it. You are so cute and such a nice guy, I just can’t understand why you and a couple of other people I happen to know, do not have significant others. You are just too nice is all I can say.

    Nancy

  3. Alicia says:

    I don’t usually read blogs let a lone respond to them…but I struggle with relationships because I am career driven and know what I want. I just tell myself everything happens for a reason and if it’s meant to be it will happen. We all have our moments were we have something that makes us think about an ex but remember they are an EXfor a reason. Can’t wait to hear the new stuff.

  4. sariebelle says:

    I’m a newbie to your music but it is amazing. You are so talented. What makes your music unique is that it’s from a personal experience. The emotions are real and amazing. I feel you and what it is you’re going through with exes. My recent ex (whom I was only with for 7 months but lasted long enough for an engagement and a miscarriage) left me the day after I found out I was pregnant for his previous ex. They’re getting married. It breaks my heart. After the miscarriage (I know people too much personal info here) I sunk into a deep depression, but I realized that you know what….I’m better than that. They just weren’t the one for me. That they just helped teach me who it is that I need. That I deserve. I hope you take the lessons from these past relationships and apply them to your future love. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. I wish you the best. And keep up the good music.

    -SD

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