One year ago today, I decided to chase after a girl. A year ago today, I decided to quit my day job and figure out how to make music a career. A year ago today, I decided I wanted to make a new record. A year ago today, I changed my life.
I can remember meeting her the first time. I was chillin with my buddy/arch nemesis Seth Combs at an event and she walked by with a friend. I said, “Hello.” and thought, “She has to be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in San Diego…” Apparently Seth thought so too, cause he said something about the girls at my shows being hot.
I went inside, played my set, and was pretty upset with how it turned out. I remember feeling “black” that night. Like I was just dark and empty… but after the set was done, she was standing there, looking at me. She walked up and said her name (and I never forgot it… even though I’m terrible with names…) And asked if I ever “collaborated” with other artists. I said, “Sure! All the time…” Like a little kid who had just gotten the best news of his life! I gave her my card and told her to e-mail me… And she was gone.
The next day I actually got an e-mail from her. “Whoa… an artist in San Diego, who actually follows through with what she says she’ll do…” And we planned a time to talk and write. We went out to dinner, and everything about her glistened. I remember getting ready for that night by cleaning my cruddy apartment for 2 hours, and ironing and all that cheesy first date stuff. I hadn’t been this excited about a date in over 2 years. Not since Sarah. (Yeah… From “Sarah’s Song”) That night I wrote a song called “Stay” which is on youtube, and her shadow is in the background of the video.
A few days later I can’t stop thinking about her. My coworkers are tired of me showing them pictures, and I’m literally twitterpated with every fiber of my life. I haven’t felt this way since jr. high, and nothing can bring me down. But later that night, we’d go out, and she’d tell me that before she met me, she was seeing someone else, and it “kinda” overlapped. (To put it as nicely as possible…)
Now I’m a pretty blunt guy. I have “rules” that I usually follow, and the first one is, “If a girl lies to you. She is a liar. Walk away.” Without the long theatrics, we talk through it. I drive to her place, where she falls asleep and locks me out unintentionally, and I go home. She wakes up, realizes she misses me, and bangs on my door till I wake up, and the kiss was unbelievable. One of the only times that time stopped for me. (The other time that comes to mind was when I scored the winning goal against North Valley, our rival high school… I had a hat trick that day… But the look on that goalie’s face when he knew he couldn’t reach the ball in time was amaaaaaazing!!!!)
She graduates from college. Moves back to LA and I support in any way I can. I miss her like crazy. Text every day. Talk on the phone for hours. Do all the stupid stuff that you’re told a good boyfriend does. Book more stuff in LA, and finally decide, “I should move there…”
Back to my rules… I also have a rule that says, “You never move for a girl.” Not like move out of the way, but change locations… There’s just too many ways for it to go wrong…
So anyways, I did it. And I don’t know what happened but from the second I decided, to the day that I got to LA. She changed.
The songs on this next album are mostly written around this time. “So Far, So Good” was written on her couch about how awesome I was feeling with her. She was upset that I didn’t include her much in the writing process and wrote a song called, “Not Your Princess” or something dealing with a guy being self-absorbed. I was so excited to write that song, however that I made it a duet, like “Something’s Telling Me”, and wanted to hear her sing it. But she didn’t really feel like it.
“LA is Not My Home” was written in her LA apartment, while listening to some jerks yelling downstairs. It literally took 5 minutes. She got up to take a shower, and by the time she came back into the living room, it was done, and I was recording it on my laptop.
I could go on and on about things, but the truth is, I actually loved her. And for people who know me well… That doesn’t happen much. I pick apart things, and find reasons that they aren’t for me. I pick apart myself in fact, and it pushes me to keep trying to be “perfect” or better.
I moved to LA, and the day I got here, she quit returning my texts. For the next 2 months, I lived 10 minutes away, and had no clue why she stopped talking to me. Every sense that I felt in LA- the people, the scent, the views all smooshed into this heartbroken mess. I never had a chance. I hated this place. Probably would have loved it had things been different, but truthfully, everything is ugly when you’ve got heartbroken eyes.
I spent the last 9 months trying to get over her, and not think about her, and yet, every time I write her name on a starbucks cup for someone who doesn’t look a thing like her, it hurts. Everytime I think I see her at a show, it hurts. Everytime I watch a movie, write a song, blog, go on a date with someone else, it hurts.
Tonight, I watched Crazy, Stupid, Love. And I’ve always liked romantic comedies, but this one was crazy, stupid, good. A lot of talk about “soulmates” and stuff, but what really hit me was seeing a girl take a guy who was a womanizing smooth talker, and tie him around her finger. That’s totally what my girl did to me. I don’t think I was as much of a womanizer as the character in the story, but I’m sure many people who read my blogs cause they don’t like me would disagree… But the point is, I want it to happen again. (I think that means I need to start womanizing??? So… U let me know if you wanna get in line…. J/k… Gosh that’s stupid… I’m leaving it in though… I don’t care…)
So what’s she doing now? I dunno. A friend texted me and said she was hanging out with another dude, and “I was wayyyyyy hotter” a few months ago. But I don’t care. Most of the guys in LA are better looking than I am… But if that poor schmuck isn’t as good looking as me, than he must be rich or something… And if that’s the case than he “wins” in my book. :-P. I went to a show a few weeks ago, and found an open parking spot. As I paid the meter, I looked up and realized I was standing outside of her Lulu Lemon store, that I waited at for an hour when I came to visit her. That sucked. But the truth is, I just hope she’s happy. I guess that’s all I really wanted. For her to be happy… But with me… Can I be happy that she’s happy without me? Sigh… I dunno. But the world keeps spinning, so I should move with it.
So what’s the moral of the story? What’s the point? I guess in music, you need to take chances. You need to meet the right people, write odd words/mix-up chords, and do things out of the ordinary to get noticed. I think it’s the same thing in love. You have to risk it. You have to try and see if it will work. Because now, I can honestly say I loved, and I did all that I could, legally, and it didn’t happen. (While kidnapping was an option, I figured that I couldn’t go through with it while making 700 a month and having much higher expenses… Rich people can afford to kidnap others… Remember that on your next date with a poor guy… He’s probably safer than your ex with the nice house/car….and stockholm syndrome is probably difficult to recreate anyways…)
So I’m onto the next chapter. This one is called, “Biting My Nails, and Hoping People Fund My Kickstarter”. (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/joshdamigo/help-josh-damigo-make-a-new-record) (sorry for the plug… I really am nervous and can still use help!!!!)
Thanks for giving me a reason to wake up and try again. I’ve failed so many times, and I probably am just licking the meal of failure that will happen in my lifetime, but I’m learning as I go, and I hope you’re as lucky as me.