So yeah… I’m typing this while listening to Daniel Powter’s, “Bad Day”. I don’t care how cliché that is. And you can make fun of me… Call me a 13 year old girl… I’m inches away from putting on sweats, going to Ben & Jerry’s buying a gallon of ice cream and just laying in my bed and watching chick flicks… I’m literally just giving up on today…
Here’s the backstory… (CITYBEAT ARTICLE FROM DECEMBER OF 2010) Many of you know that about 10 months ago, My house was broken into in San Diego, and the thieves stole my laptop. 2 weeks later, they broke in again, and didn’t really get anything because I had moved most of my stuff to LA. Then, a week later in LA, someone broke into my garage, broke into my car, and stole my guitar and a bunch of other stuff. Fast forward 10 months… I’m going to San Diego for a few days, and packed my car early. (approximately 11:00 last night.) Park my car in front of the house, put my merch bag and amp in the car, and because I was tired, I decided not to throw in my suitcase/posters/ other stuff in. I wake up, send out my morning e-mail to my manager/pr peeps, and clean up the last stuff in my room. I go to move the car to load it for the trip, and I see the broken window…
“You’ve got to be kidding me…” I whisper.
I spent the next 45 minutes on hold with the Van Nuys Police Department, (I actually got in the shower while on hold… that’s kinda hilarious… but not really when you think about it…) Someone finally comes on the line I fill out a police report with them, and they let me know that they don’t send police officers out to investigate… (I guess that when your crime rate is as high as there’s… it doesn’t matter if you send people out or not… but then again, I guess if I already knew that it was that high, I shouldn’t have had anything in my car anyways…)
So I called my manager at work, let him know the situation and he gave me the day off. (And I feel terrible about not covering the shift, cause I know they were understaffed, but I’m so incredibly bummed that I don’t think I would have been any good anyways. :-(. )
Yesterday I was talking to my birth father, Pete, and talking about how broke I was… and I said, “Welp… it can’t get any worse!!!” Which I should have learned by now is a cue to the universe to prove me wrong… My friend, Rachel came over later and we talked for a little time about all the things that I was facing, and rather than go to the Tyrone Wells concert I had tickets for, I decided to stay home and try to rid myself of my negative thoughts/panic attacks…
Had this happened yesterday, I probably wouldn’t have done very well. That’s the part about being bi-polar that is tough. Your bad days are dreadful. What set me off was a combination of things. The first was hurting a buddy of mine at work on accident and having him bark at me… (I was kinda shocked/embarrassed…) Then out of nowhere my other coworker talks about “RED BLUFF”, California… this iddy biddy town that most people don’t know about…. but where the first girl I fell in love with is from… and where she probably still is… but she’s married now… probably doesn’t wonder about me… etc… (I wrote, “I HATE THE RAIN” about her…) followed by my credit card being declined when I was buying a latte…. All those things kinda just worked together to bum me out. And that’s when my crazy head takes over and doesn’t let me not feel like a failure.
But I woke up this morning with hope, and so even though my car was broken into, I’m still thinking positively. Some days I can be really low and upset about everything and not want to be around another person… some days I can put a positive spin on everything and brighten everyone’s day… I guess today I feel like just accepting my situation and making the best of it. So my 750 dollar amp/200 dollar pedal/200 dollar cables and merch were stolen… I have my health… I’m in a free country, not dealing with Quadafi’s bullshit… I’m going to be okay.
(Now I’m listening to Jason Mraz’s “Details in the Fabric“. This is my go to song whenever I’m low. The song that I listen to 8 times in a row when I was down yesterday… didn’t help too much then, but it’s working now…)
I guess I’m done blogging for today. I don’t need much feedback… I don’t need the comments that say, “YOU SHOULDN’T PUT THINGS IN YOUR CAR…” blah blah blah… cause that just makes me feel worse. I guess I could plug my kickstarter again… ha. Yeah… I’ll do it… If you’d like to help with the new album you can donate by going to http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/joshdamigo/help-josh-damigo-make-a-new-record. (Here’s the video about it… I guess I should probably update the video now…)
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I hope you have a better day than me. I’m in San Diego for my show tomorrow night at Humphrey’s. (8:00 – five bucks- full band) It’d mean a ton to me if you could make it out.
Love you guys. Thanks for the 45 comments (…And counting) on my personal facebook from my friends… and alot of you guys being LA peeps, made me feel a heck of alot better about living in LA. I love you so much.