Some nights you don’t feel like going on stage. All you can think about is a situation, a problem, an insecurity… You feel tired- like you’re not good enough- like you’re nothing but a failure. You feel like you’ve stumbled so many times, and things have been so hard for you don’t know how long, that you don’t know how you’re gonna get up on a stage. It feels like most of the people will be talking over your art, not caring that you’re there, or criticizing your every move.
Tonight’s one of those nights.
I told Jeff Berkley earlier this week that the September 11 remembrance stuff was getting to me. 10 years ago, I was at home watching TV when I saw the second plane fly into the second tower. I remember looking at my little brother, and could see that he was visibly upset. I didn’t understand it then, but now it’s a lot tougher. Two years after the attacks on 9/11, my brother would join the Marines and four years after that, he’d battle with PTSD and 4 years after that, I’d be sitting here posting this blog. It almost feels like when the attacks happened, my life just started. I don’t really remember the feeling of “carefree” or that of naivety, I just remember watching my back from that day forward.
I’m gonna go listen to some music, and maybe play some guitar to get ready for the show tonight, but everything inside of me just wants to smoosh my face in a pillow. I miss my brother, and I miss feeling invincible. Things/Times/Life will get better.
I heard a story on KOGO this week about a guy who’s daughter was on one of the planes that crashed into the twin towers. She was going to Boston College, and had a full life taken away because terrorists hated us so much that they decided to attack. Their religion and entire lives were dedicated to inflicting harm on us because of our culture. It’s hard for me to fathom the amount of brainwashing it takes to convince someone to do something like this. And it really bothers me that people like this can be anywhere at any time.
Please thank our troops, pray for our troops, remember those innocent lives we lost, and pray for a safe remembrance day.