I’m sure life could get worse. I’m sure there are days that seem terrible, but in some way you can think positively. But this morning, I lost my wallet when I was getting air in my tires. I accepted it and moved on. It meant it would be difficult to get cash out, and would take a significant amount of extra planning on the rest of the trip…. But a few hours later I realized it meant I wouldn’t be able to visit my brother in prison, because I had no ID. There’s no way to get a new ID in time to see him next Saturday, and I guess that’s just how it’s going to be.
Eventually everyone comes to that tipping point in their lives when they just want to lay down and cry. I’ve reached that a lot this year. I think that Ben Folds explained it best on “The Sing-off” last week when he said, “A musician’s life is a humbling one… and it will continue to get humbling…” I never thought I’d be poor. It just never crossed my mind. I never thought I’d have to struggle to do my art. I never thought I’d be depending on every show to make rent, get food, or even get enough gas for the next stop. But I am. And I’m scared, excited, and I’m doing my best.
Can I understand why i’d be burglarized 4 times in a year? No. Can I understand why my girlfriend would disappear the second I moved to a new city for her? No. Do I understand why I haven’t lost my wallet in 5 years, and then in the last two months, it disappears twice? No. But am I at the tipping point? Am I gonna cry? No. For some reason I feel strong today. I feel peaceful. This is all a big story that will one day be hilarious. This will all weave into a beautiful “something” one day. I just know it.
Love you guys. I hope to see you in Seattle tonight. If I look like a bird with a damaged wing, don’t feel sorry for me. If I look like a lactose intolerant person living in Seattle, that would be weird. But it’s kinda funny to think of. Can you imagine if you couldn’t drink milk? (If you’re lactose intolerant I’m sorry…) OR CHEESE?? I LOVE cheese…
Anyways. I know it will get harder when I get closer to Nathan on this tour, and know that I won’t be able to see him or give him a hug, but I have to believe that there’s a reason or learn from this.
Love you and grateful for every single one of you.