I’ve been waiting for a few days to figure out exactly what I wanted to say, and how I wanted to say it. Since I’m playing a gig in Los Angeles tonight, and haven’t left yet, I figured now was a good time… (Yeah… I procrastinate when it comes to driving up there…) 😀
You don’t know how hard it is to put “thanks” in words when you hear artists regularly “flippantly” use it. “Thank you guys sooooooOOOoOooOOooOOOOOO much for coming to my show…” or “Thank you SOOOOOOooOoOOoOOOOoOooooooOOO much for telling your friends about me.” The truth is, I’m rather cynical when it comes to musicians asking for help with donations, but obviously since I did it, I need to seriously figure out a way to get over my hangups and tell you how I feel.
I’ve always been a rather independent person. I hate the feeling that I can’t do something on my own, or that I would need someone else’s help in achieving my own goals. When I was a kid, I had a hard time with sharing everything. I was a “ballhog” when I played sports in gym class. (Especially playing Hockey or soccer…) It’s why I wanted to be a pitcher so badly when I played baseball or played 3rd Base and Shortstop… I wanted to be in control and I wanted to get the most balls hit to me. I guess this mentality has always run my way of thinking.
But as I’ve grown older, I’ve found that there are more and more things that I can’t do on my own. In college, I wasn’t able to play soccer after a college injury, and I started writing music on a couch, and was pretty much stationary on that couch for 6 months before, during and after my knee surgery. I had to rely on my roommate Casey to cook, clean, and even help drive me to classes and events. It was one of the first times in my life that I didn’t feel completely independent and like I needed help to get by. I hated that feeling.
A few months later, I’d be going to open mic nights, and watching other artists play, and dabbling in working on music… I never thought I’d be doing it full time. It was just something that I enjoyed and was able to get away from all of the issues going on in my head. Music was my escape. It was my Soccer, Basketball, and Baseball since I couldn’t really play those anymore. And now, it’s still the only reason I think I’m sane sometimes.
But as I get more and more involved in the music scene, I find more and more things that bring me down. Other artists using me/my page as a stepping stool in their careers; Artists booking two shows in 3 day periods and thus killing any chance of people coming out to our gig; Artists asking for favors like asking me to promote them when they’ve never once promoted me; Fans that drop me the second that I’m not exactly who they want me to be; Label Exec’s/Business types telling me that there are a million other artists just like me, so I don’t deserve their time; I was even “Big Timed” by a promotions guy yesterday because he didn’t consider me important. (“Big-Timed is when a guy enters a circle full of people talking but excludes you… I’ll come up with a better definition soon…”) Bookers purposefully underpaying me; Rumors spread around because someone is upset with me; The truth is, I didn’t sign up for all of this. I like to be people’s friend and interact with their lives, but sometimes it’s completely overwhelming. But then… I get up on stage, and play a song… and it all disappears. All because of you guys helping me fund my art. Thank you so much.
So, from the bottom of the heart, please know that I’m so very thankful for all of you. This album has literally been the last two or three years of my life all rolled into a 60something minute album. All I really want is to be a sense of joy to others, and to relate to those who may be going through hard times. My music is my escape from troubles. Even if I’m singing about heartbreak, it’s a way to get over the pain. To process it, and let it go. I don’t write songs to try to get them on radio, or to get famous, but to escape from the grind of every day worries.
Thank you so much to everyone who has given me hope. I really think you’re going to like this album.
So from every part of my life, “THANK YOU”, for helping make this album and tour happen. I love you all, and hope to see you on the tour.